Looking for clever (funny) Best Man speech jokes?
Ugh. Best man speeches. They can suck the life out of a reception hall, bring tears of joy, or simply drive the crowd toward the open bar.
Don’t make the mistake I did of of not prepping a great speech. The crowd will appreciate your wit and brevity, and the ladies will certainly know who the ‘best’ man is! Below are some funny intros and jokes I collected on Reddit you can use when you give your best man speech at your next obligation.
They joke that a woman finds a man she loves for exactly who he is and then spends her life trying to change him. So let’s all raise our glasses and take a last look at the Groom. We’re gonna miss you, buddy!
Fornication… [silence]… cough… Forni-… cough… FOR-AN-OCCASION, such as this, I like to start with a joke.
It’s been said that the best man speech should only be as long as it takes for the groom to orgasm during sex. (Look at watch, scowl to yourself) So, have a great night everybody!
When it came time for the Best Man speech, he pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and began reading about what a wonderful husband the Groom was going to be, how he was loyal, handsome, kind, how he was loved by everyone, etc… Then, the Best Man squinted at the paper, stumbled over the words, then turned to the Groom, handed him the paper and announced, “I can’t read your handwriting!”
The Groom and I have been friends for a long time, but he had some trouble finding a best man. He first asked his richest friend to be his best man, but he said no. Then he asked his funniest friend to be his best man, but he said no. He then asked his best-looking friend to be the best man but even he said no. Then he asked me and after turning him down the first three times I couldn’t refuse again.
At my twin brother’s wedding I opened with: “When I first met the Groom I didn’t really like him. He was always crowding my space and stealing my nutrients, but after we busted out of that uteran prison we were perpetual partners in crime…
When I was younger, my brother (the Groom) used to push me down the stairs, ridicule me in front of our family and friends, and beat me up on a daily basis. Finally, after 20 years, he finally realized who the best man is.